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"GOT MILK?" |
| The phone rang at
3 AM. "Dave, you've got to hide me,"said a frantic half-recognizable voice on the other end of the line. "Alan? Is that you?" I mumbled. "Yeah. They're after me. I need a place to hide." "Who's after you?" "I'm not sure. Lot's of people. They're everyplace." "Are you nuts?" I asked in my usual circumspect manner. "No, no, Dave this is serious. Look, this is really, really serious." "I thought you were in the Antarctic looking at Penguins or something," I said. Alan was an old friend from college who had gone on some sort of government expedition to study life in the Antarctic. "That was just a cover. Dave, can I come over? The Earth is being invaded." A lot of thoughts suddenly flashed through my mind when he said that, mostly revolving around me telling a psychotic that it would be all right to come over to my place. He really sounded whacked out. What if this guy was homicidal? Maybe he had learned I was going out with his girl friend back in college behind his back,and was coming to exact his revenge? Then I remembered he was a weasely looking little guy who I could easily control. Hell, maybe I owed him a favor for his girlfriend. "Sure. Come on over." |
| About a half hour later, the door bell
rang and there was Alan dressed in a trench coat and wearing a watch cap
so he looked like a scrawny stevedore. "Great disguise. That'll probably fool a lot of people here in southern California in the middle of summer," I said. "Yeah. Well it got me here. Look Dave, this is getting really weird and I want to be able to tell someone before they get me, and I'm sure they will eventually. The Earth is being invaded. It really is." Alan appeared rational,and his words were neither too strident nor too calm, so I figured I might as well listen. Besides, I had had a minor in Psychology in college, and I wanted to see if Alan showed the classical signs of a paranoid schizophrenic with elaborate and internally logical arguments about illogical things. We sat down at the kitchen table. "Alan can I get you a glass of milk or something?" I asked. "Why are you asking if I want milk? Came the quick retort from Alan as he looked at me with suspicious eyes. "I thought you might be thirsty," I replied. Boy, I thought to myself, here it comes, the suspicion. Maybe he thinks I'm going to poison him. "I'm sorry, Dave. Yes, sure, I'd like a glass of milk. I like milk. I really like milk. How about you, Dave? Do you like milk? Milk doesn't give you gas or anything, does it Dave?" "Yeah. Sure. I like milk. No, it doesn't give me gas. Why?" "Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it." |
|
I went to the kitchen and, just in case
Alan thought I was trying to poison him brought back the milk and two
glasses. "Go ahead, and pour me a glass too, will you Alan,"I said.
I figured that would prove I wasn't trying to poison him. He chose the
glass he would use and he poured the milk. After that little ritual
was over, Alan started to tell me his story. |
| "Like you and me," came Alan's reply. "So they can pass among us and not be discovered?" Isn't that the way it always was in movies, I thought. "Dave, we're the aliens," came Alan's reply. "We. . .you mean you and I Alan?" I asked. "Yes. And all other white people, I think. White people are the aliens. We're not native to this planet." "All white people? I was incredulous. "Yup. We're not of this world. The sun of this planet is too strong for us. We're from a planet that is cooler and usually covered with clouds. The Earth is the planet of non-white peoples. We've been trying to take it over from them for thousands of years." "We have? I asked. "I haven't been trying to take anything over from anyone. Are you completely nuts Alan?" Alan looked at me as though he was trying to gauge whether I was the right person to tell what he wanted to tell, or whether I was so unreceptive that he was wasting his time. Finally, I said "Look Alan, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Go ahead and talk, I'll just try to listen. I'll try to keep an open mind." After I said that, he appeared more at ease and started on a disjointed rambling story. |
| "Listen Dave, see if any of this makes sense to you. White people are only 10% of the human population on the Earth. You know why? Because we're late arrivals here. When our ancestors arrived, they were even whiter than we are now, and the sun gave them a real problem. The Ancestors sent space ships out all over the Universe, because it was part of their religion that they were to colonize all habitable planets. Only a few of the ships came to Earth. They landed about 6,000 years ago. Like all of the ships, they were breeders. There were ten males and 200 females on board each one. It was their mission---their destiny---to conquer the Earth. On the Earth at that time there were primitive man forms, ape creatures really." |
 I
had heard enough. "Listen Alan, this may come as a surprise to you, but
this isn't really new stuff. Isn't this the same sort of stuff that's
been written about in many books. It sounds like Chariots of the Gods
material, so please don't look at me with such seriousness and tell me
things that I read while I was in high school. You're going to tell me
that the space people mated with the ape creatures and that led to humankind
as we now know it, right?" "That's pretty much what happened, Dave," replied Alan. Here's something that you probably didn't read about though: the space people used cows as mobile incubators of their kind, because the apecreatures didn't have large enough pelvises to always deliver the space babies once they were implanted." "So now you're going to tell me that that's the reason the Hindus in India treat cows as sacred, right?" My sarcasm was getting stronger. This was just the same old Twilight Zone stuff. I wasn't hearing anything really unique or much different from things I had read or was capable of thinking up myself. "Right," said Alan. "The Ancestors knew they had to increase their numbers very fast, so they harvested eggs from their females, fertilized them, and then put  up
to ten in each cow. They then drove the herds of cattle further and further
afield as they conquered one land after another. The fetuses were kept
warm inside the cows and when they were born, they had plenty of milk.
You do know that most of the non-white people on this planet are allergic
to cow's milk, don't you Alan? |
| Anyway, they would have long ago conquered
the whole planet except there was some dissension in the ranks and some
of the aliens, as I already said, mated with the ape creatures. This is
pretty much what parts of the Old Testament are about. The Aliens' normal
life span was about 1500 years, but the children they had with the ape
creatures had shorter lives. The ape creatures lived to about 30 years
or so, and the combining of the aliens and the ape creatures eventually
led to humans living to about 100 years. It's right there in the Bible."
"Well, we only live to be about a hundred, if we're lucky," I said, "so then we must not be the aliens, but the children of the aliens and the ape creatures, right?" "Right," said Alan, "but there's more to this story. Those of us with white skin actually carry a hidden program within our genes that will start to play itself out at some trigger event that was either anticipated or planned by the Ancestors." "Like a light switch suddenly going on, or something," I offered. "Right. The problem is that we're not sure what the trigger is or what happens when it is switched on, but we theorize that at that time, the next phase of the plan will start, and that we're definitely part of this plan." "So, we're kind of like the people you see in some of the old science-fiction movies who are zombified by aliens attached to the back of their necks?" I asked. |
"Yeah. But the alien genes are part of every cell of our bodies. We're
partly of this earth and partly not. Maybe that's the origin of all the
bipolar Yin and Yang, good and bad, hot and cold, stuff that philosophers
talk about. We think that what's going to happen is that somehow, we're
going to become less human and more alien when the switch is thrown and
that as we have children they will become even less human.""Man, talk about multi-racial," I said. "I don't get it. Are we supposed to fight off the aliens or the humans? Whose side are we on?" "Interesting question," said Alan. "Actually, the battle has been raging for centuries, but it's now getting to the point where it's going to break out into the open." "What battle?" I asked. "The gene battle," said Alan. "The ethnic battle. The race war. Look, the pure aliens want us to mate so as to eventually remove all the human genes from our lines and the pure ape creatures---well, that's kind of a misnomer today, want us to mate so that we will be assimilated into the non-alien population." "Huh?" I asked. "It's simple. Think good Angels and bad Angels to simplify this. The good Angels want us to remove the ape creature genes and the bad Angels want us to remove the alien genes. The aliens want us to become whiter and the non-aliens want us to become darker. Skin color is the major sign of whether one is an alien or not. Have you heard of Project Tan Everyman?" "No." |
"Project Tan Everyman is the bad Angels' scheme to get rid of the alien
genes. It's progress is measured by how many whites have children with
non-whites. The Project encourages all things that will increase cross-racial
breeding because, with whites only being 10% of the earth's population
they can be absorbed into the 90% that is nonwhite" "This all sounds pretty weird and racist," I said. "Even that shows that the propaganda of the Project is working on you. You used the term 'racist' without even thinking this through. It was a knee jerk reaction on your part." The aliens--they consider themselves the good Angels are simply trying to survive, but the bad Angels--the humans-- are trying to wipe them out. The goal of the humans is to mix up the genes of all people so that there will be no alien fifth column here on Earth to help the aliens take over the planet. You may have noticed that in the United States, there's been a move to limit European immigration while at the same time non-European immigration has increased; especially people from Asia." "Why Asians?" I asked. "Well at first, the Project tried to just mix European and African genes, but there was a change of thinking at the Project that held that it would be better for the resultant Tan Everyman to mix in more mongoloid genes." "So, racism is good if you're an alien, but bad if you're a non-alien Whose side should we be on Alan? We sound like a bunch of Spocks." |
| "I think we're more alien than human, so
I figure we should be on the alien side. Besides, I think he aliens are
going to win," replied Alan. "Why do you think that?" I was looking for a direction in all this. "Because the pure aliens keep coming back to help us, as though they consider us their children." "What the hell are you talking about Alan?" Are you holding back part of the story?" 
"Dave, it's all through the Bible and other old books of this planet.
Noah's flood, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorah and on and on. We think
the aliens only come back every several thousand years or so to make corrections
to their plan. We believe that they're either back here right now, or
will be very soon." Just then, my door flew open and in walked two very pale looking men with blond hair and slightly bulbous heads and piercing blue eyes. They were dressed as farmers. They had apparently followed Alan to my place. "Alan has it just about right," said the taller of the two. You can call me Bob and this is Jack. We're with the Milk Producer's Association. In the past, we were often called Angels, but if you prefer aliens, that's fine with us. Your fate on this planet is wrapped up with cattle. It has always been so. The ancient Norse  believed
that a cow licked ice and the first man emerged. Certain ancient peoples
worshipped a Sacred Calf. You wanted to know whether you were more alien
than human, and the answer is in your ability or inability to digest milk.
If you have a problem with lactase then you probably possess more ape
creature genes than our genes." |
"Man, this is all really funny. You've got to be kidding. You mean that
you guys are behind the "Got Milk" commercials? " "Well, partially, but it's a little more complicated than that. We also produce milk tolerance pills and keep track of those who buy them, so we can track the non-alien genes as well. Soon, we'll be increasing the size of our herds of breeder cattle to increase our numbers as we did in the past. The times are changing, and we're about to create a world of Milk and Honey. Keep drinking your milk. It's good for YOU." With that, they left. I awoke to the sound of a Milk commercial on the television. # # # |
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