In the alternate universe that is similar to, but slightly different from our own, Blacks, all across Amerika and in every prison where they are disproportionately locked up by evil White racists who hate them because of the color of their skin, were outraged this week after virtuous guy Bull Bendit seemed, at least to low I.Q. listeners who have difficulty understanding hypotheticals and big words and abstract philosophical concepts, to tell his radio audience that Black people caused most of the violent crime in the nation and that this was because of Black genes, and that to drive down the crime rate all one had to do was abort Black babies.

The cries of "racist" were heard within minutes of Bendit's controversial remarks that some called "White supremacist."

Even though Bull was a pal of the President, the Anything-but-White House quickly condemned the remarks and in a prepared statement said that Blackness was caused by poverty and that everyone knew this, just as we all know that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. "Look," said President Bash, as he later addressed reporters "My daughters are both White and I have a lot of money. They're White because they're not in poverty. My brother Jab's kids are Brown, and Jab doesn't have as much money as me. You see the connection, right? A little poverty causes Brownness and a lot of poverty causes Blackness."

One civil rights leader told the press that it appeared that racist Bendit is trying to divide people by race and that Bendit should know better. "Race has nothing to do with it. We all bleed red blood. There's only one race, the human race," said this remarkable civil rights leader.

Under mounting pressure, Bendit seemed to reverse himself recently as he tearfully told Black leaders that the reason there is a Black race with certain physical and mental characteristics is not because of genes, but because of poverty. Black skin, and all other physical characteristics that make one Black, along with the things that people often associate with Blacks as a group such as a high crime rate, poor school scores, low I.Q. scores, good jumping and running ability--they're all caused by poverty. "Race has nothing to do with it," said Bendit to the impoverished audience that didn't know whether or not to trust Bendit who, as a rich man, couldn't relate to poverty and how it made one Black.

"I don't have as much money as I once had," said Bendit, as he tried to bond with the audience, "and I've noticed that my skin is getting less white now. That's just more proof that race is caused by economic status. Recently, I've also noticed that I have more rhythm as I become poorer and poorer."

Bendit told the Black leaders that he was opposed to all forms of bigotry. "People are all the same," said Bendit, and I absolutely refuse to listen to anyone who says differently. My mind is made up and I won't change it no matter what anyone says.

"People misunderstood my comments on the radio. I was just trying to use the Socratic method to have an intellectual argument about the subject. I was trying to make a point and I only said what I said because I know that believing that genes cause people to look the way they look or to act the way they act is absurd. We all know that. It's morally reprehensible to think that genes have anything to do with humans."

"Blacks are black and they act the way they do because of poverty. To think that a high Black crime rate has something to do with race or genes is a bigoted thought. Look at those areas of the world where Blacks control their own countries. Do you see high crime rates there? Just look at the crime statistics... [ Overheard in Bendit's earpiece: "Psst, ixnay on the crime stats doc, they show that Blacks and high crime rates/social dysfunction go together all over the planet. There are no examples where this is not the case. You're in trouble out there--here comes the rescue..."]

ANNOUNCER: "Thank you for clearing up the record Mr. Bendit.

"Be sure to tune into Bull Bendit's radio program tomorrow. Bull plans to expand on his comments and send the racists, who spread their racist filth even to dogs, scurrying for cover as he confronts some of them and tells them that there is no genetic difference at all between Greyhounds and Chihuahuas and that it is breedist to think that Greyhounds run faster than Chihuahuas or that Chihuahuas are smaller than Greyhounds, for any reasons other than environment.

Many of these breedists have been fostering human racism with their talk about different breeds of dogs having different characteristics and different intelligence levels and different temperaments. Hearing such talk, many people, who understand that the term "breed" is to dogs what "race" is to humans, are connecting up the dots and applying the general principle to humans.

Be sure to listen in as Bull tells the breedists that "All dogs bleed red blood."